Earlier this evening, I wrote something in my journal that is beautiful and also incredibly heartbreaking.
I have never felt more like myself than I do right now! Not even when I was a kid—because it rarely felt safe to fully be myself.
I am immensely grateful to be in this place now, especially when I consider all of the work it has taken for me to get here.
But I also want to go back and give that little girl a big hug and a kiss on her forehead and tell her she doesn’t always have to be the “good girl,” who tries to be as little trouble as possible. Who folded herself like Origami to “fit” in pockets or risk being abandoned.
Baby Girl, you can be joyful.
Your happiness is precious. And so is your peace.
You can be curious and creative.
You can be angry.
You can have an opinion or tell someone their words and/or actions are hurting you without feeling like you’ll be abandoned because your sensitivity is too bothersome.
You can love (and deserve to be loved in a way that doesn’t force you to perform or to lose yourself).
You don’t have to abandon yourself or hide in imaginary worlds/lives where you have to pretend that you matter. You already do matter, Baby Girl. YOU get to be the main character in your story!
You always were a good kid! People in your life made you think you were bad, when all you were was inconvenient.
So, Sweetheart, act like a child! Get LOUD! Explore! Get messy! Jump for joy! Ask questions! Speak up when they hurt you! Get angry when you have to! Guard your peace like it’s the most precious gift you own (because it is).
Don’t settle for crumbs: if that’s all they’re offering, LEAVE THE DAMN TABLE!
Most of all, love yourself! CHOOSE YOURSELF, every damn day, without reservation or explanation!
