27 February, 2006
I heard the power going out even before the lights flickered several times. With the big winter storm blowing through the Bay Area, I kind of expected it to happen, just not in such a dramatic fashion. It's been out for about half an hour, save for a 10-second span where it briefly came on, but then a transformer (I think that's what it was) a couple of blocks away exploded and we've been out since.
Actually, I really love the silence and stillness. No incessant humming of appliances (and computers). No radio. I have a couple of candles burning and luckily I have gas heat and cooking, so I can always make a cup of tea and keep my feet warm.
I'm tempted to use this quiet time to meditate (it seems today has been the day for the proverbial "bolt from the blue"). But I have a couple of freaked-out kitties who need some reassuring, first.
26 February, 2006
As if the remnants of my cold (cough and constant sniffles) aren't bad enough, I am just not getting my energy back and that's frustrating me more than anything. A short walk around to the local used CD and book stores wiped me out yesterday and this morning it was all I could do to barely get through a 30-minute yoga workout. Even after some water and the other half of my oat bar from yesterday, I'm still very rubbery (and not in that good, yogi-flexible way, either).
So, it looks like another day of bundling up on the couch with a pot of tea, the furkids and some books. (I might try the yoga again later, though...I just don't like taking "no" for an answer.)
CURRENTLY PLAYING: What You Do To Me from the album "Bandwagonesque" by Teenage Fanclub
22 February, 2006
Originally uploaded by Planet Vicster.
Surprise! No cats this time!
I took this one down at the waterfront in San Francisco, in the shadow of the Bay Bridge (one of the towers is reflected in the water).
Technorati Tags: San Francisco Life
16 February, 2006
(all times approximate)
7:51 a.m.: A license plate that read, "Lucky BM".
8:30 a.m.: A cloud formation shaped like a duckling.
12:35 p.m.: A man who looked just like Freddie Mercury.
2:15 p.m.: Another cloud formation, this one shaped like a flying goose.
2:20 p.m.: A San Jose Earthquakes bumper sticker. It made me smile because when I saw it I thought, "There's a team that's died and returned from the dead more often than a soap opera diva!" Which is probably only amusing to me, but this post is about things that made ME smile. (BTW, the team is dead. Again. Unless someone recently bought it and kept it in Sanhazzay. Then it will have come back from the dead. Again.)
15 February, 2006
...and the Crappiest Day is GONE. I just wish it would have taken this stupid cold along with it.
14 February, 2006
Well, despite the yoga and mindful breathing and attempts at meditation, I still have not made my peace with the month of February. Especially the 7th and the 14th.
It's nothing new, single people hating Valentine's Day. And I appreciate the fact that many well-meaning (and 99% of the time, coupled) people try to console me by saying there's no shame in being single on Valentine's Day. I know their heart is in the right place, but they miss the point.
It's not shame I feel. It's loneliness. And, even though these same well-meaning people say, "it's just one day..." it ISN'T. It's 365 days. As if the other 364 days aren't hard enough, hearing people tell me I'm pretty and I'm nice and I'm smart and I'm cool and I'm funny and how utterly WORTHY I am of being loved...it seems that I'm just not pretty, nice, smart, cool or funny enough and it's no fun having it shoved in my face as a nasty reminder. Even if it is for "one day". And whatever "worthiness" for love I carry is cold
It's days like this where I just really want my Mom. But every February 7th I'm reminded that she's gone, too. Last week she would have turned 64, were it not for an irrecoverable bout of depression and a .22-calibre handgun nearly 15 years ago. It's a day where I try to reflect on her life, but mostly I can only recall all of the ways that I've failed my mother (and how I continue to do so).
I know that, come tomorrow, Valentine's Day will be gone and I'll have survived it (and my mother's birthday), just a little worse for wear. And even though I've sort of knocked my efforts with it, the yoga and mindful breathing have helped me a lot. If nothing else, they are good habits that I can retreat to when I'm feeling blue. I can feel how the yoga has made me physically stronger and the mindful breathing and meditation (what I can do of it) are strengthening my "heart". Which is good because it looks like I'm going to have to slug it out on my own here for the foreseeable future.
08 February, 2006
A joke gets played on you and you laugh it off, even though it kinda hurts inside. Then another joke and it seems just a little more mean than the previous one. But you brave a smile and say, "Heh heh, yeah you sure got me THAT time!"
But then you realize you're the butt of yet another joke, and this time it's so cruel and hits you so hard and in such a tender place that you can barely brave another smile, much less laugh it off. The hurt is so unbelievable and, once the tears pass through you like a fierce winter storm, there's just a big empty spot. Like something has been ripped out of you, something important, something precious. And you feel bad that there's this big hole in your heart/soul/spirit, yet it's just such a Big Empty, no one can see the pain because it's sort of numbed you.
And yet you don't know how to STOP being the butt of the joke...
07 February, 2006
I'm hoping this is the session in my US History class where we find out in more depth about George Washington authorizing electronic surveillance (as did Honest Abe...and on a far broader scale than George 43, according to our historically-challenged Attorney General).
And I suppose Benjamin Franklin's kite was America's first spy satellite.
It seems that the White House is applying pressure to GOP members of the Senate Judiciary Committee, as well as GOP Congressional leaders to support the President on his illegal wiretapping of Americans, or find themselves blacklisted.
"Over the last few weeks, Mr. Rove has been calling in virtually every Republican on the Senate committee as well as the leadership in Congress. The sources said Mr. Rove's message has been that a vote against Mr. Bush would destroy GOP prospects in congressional elections.
"He's [Rove] lining them up one by one," another congressional source said.
"Mr. Rove is leading the White House campaign to help the GOP in November’s congressional elections. The sources said the White House has offered to help loyalists with money and free publicity, such as appearances and photo-ops with the president."
Um, OK. It just seems to me that, given his rather slippery approval rating and the fact that even Republicans are distancing themselves from Team Dubya (and, really, who wants to be anywhere near the blast zone when his karma finally barfs all over him?), Rove would stand a better chance of bringing the GOP leaders to heel by threatening to have the Preznit INSIST on photo-ops with them, rather than withholding his "free" publicity.
01 February, 2006
I received emails today from Brad Pitt AND Kiefer Sutherland!!! Both of them were offering to sell me OEM software, cheap.
I realize I've been away from the TV for a long, long time, but I didn't think the ratings had dropped so precipitously on "24" that Keifer now has to flog pirated software to make ends meet. Tsk, tsk...
NOW PLAYING: Can't Let Go from the album "Car Wheels on a Gravel Road" by Lucinda Williams