06 August, 2006
Simon Sunday: An Anthropological Study (what you won't find on Wikipedia)
guess who smelled the chocolaty, cream-filled cookies in my bag...
Originally uploaded by Planet Vicster.
Following is a brief overview of a most fascinating and dangerous creature.
Pictured above is a specimen of the Felis Chocolate Thiefus (he may also be known by more common names as "Kitty", "Simon", "Sweetie-Bear" and "Stinker". He is found mostly in the suburban environment of the San Francisco (East) Bay Area. He primarily preys on chocolate or chocolate-y products, but he also finds Science Diet, dried fishies, Nacho Cheese Doritos and big moths quite tasty.
Involved and comedic with his Human Servant, he re-establishes his superiority over His Kingdom daily by sitting on his sister and/or biting her neck, and disciplining his Human Servant by slapping her face with his tail (espcially if she dares to sleep outside of Designated Sleeping Hours) and attempting to disembowel toy mice, stray cotton swabs and random stones found in and around His Kingdom. The Felis Chocolate Thiefus also has a bit of a shy streak and will retreat to his sanctuary under the bed when an Unknown Human or a Loud Barky Thing is nearby.
He has three sacred daily rituals: bathing, bringing toys to his Human Servant so she may play with him (usually while she's cleaning the litter box; his reward to her for her hard work) and sleeping. Because the Sleeping Ritual is the most time-consuming (taking 18-20 hours of his day!), it must be broken up into several sub-rituals, or "naps". While engaged in these "naps", the Felis Chocolate Thiefus has been observed engaging in a peculiar activity known as "dreaming". He may actively participate in these "dreams" by phisically acting out his hallucinations. He is frequently observed acting out dreams in which he is eating something (presumably chocolate).
His Human Servant is allowed to participate in some of the rituals, particularly the reward/playing ritual and the sleeping ritual, but only with the expressed consent of the Felis Chocolate Thiefus. Attempting to engage him in the "play" ritual without his consent will cause him to shun his human by turning his head or leaving the room. Punishment for unauthorized participation in the "napping ritual" includes the aforementioned tail whipping, nose biting, hair pulling, or, in the most severe infractions, removing his Human Servant's possessions from her dressing table and placing them in various locations around His Kingdom.
Technorati Tags: cats, furkids, Simon Sunday
Labels: cats, furkids, Simon, Simon Sunday
~~ victoria on 10:27 AM ~~ 0 comments
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