Watching "Valmont" again (I've lost count of how many times I've watched this film), I have a new appreciation for the its absolutely unflinchingly cynical view of love. I so totally relate to this right now, that I can't stop laughing!

Sails
Originally uploaded by Planet Vicster.

I took a long walk along the shoreline today. It's significant because I haven't done so for a very, very long time.

There are lots of reasons why I've skipped my (almost) daily walks. A lot of it has to do with my being so completely exhausted when I get home that I just want to stay in with the furkids.

But another reason is...well one of the things I really like about these walks is something I couldn't face lately: Time alone for thinking. The four-mile walk to the end of Shoreline and back gives me a lot of time to think. And worry. And be angry and sad and try, try to find silver linings that lately have been totally invisible to me (though I look and look for them).

The last walk I took, sometime in mid-June, I tried not thinking. I tried to just stay in the moment and not run over past hurt or future worries. It didn't go so well: The more I tried to jerk myself back into the moment, the worse I felt. Needless to say, I haven't been really anxious to go back to that place.

But today, it was a nice day and I wanted to be at the water, but not sit passively and read. So I stopped for a chai tea and headed to the shoreline. Today, I was a lot more gentle with myself. Whenever I started feeling too sad about the past or worried about the future, rather than judge these things (or judge myself for dwelling), I'd find something happening right now to quietly concentrate on.

Lucky for me (heh) my right achillies tendon decided to start complaining about 2 miles into the walk. But it gave me something to focus on. I decided to walk on the beach coming back, and that helped me focus on how the sand made my heel stop hurting. And how the water was cool. And how there was just enough of a breeze that I could ignore the fact that the sun was probably roasting me (it was:I've another sunburn to show for it). I didn't bring the camera this time and I was glad because I just wanted to walk. But I thought maybe I should have had it for that last walk I took and it would have gone better.

The thing about photography is that it's all about capturing a moment. Photography--the act of taking a photo--that truly is living in the moment.

Box Cars
Originally uploaded by Planet Vicster.

I took this over at the old Alameda Navy Base back in May or June. It was one of those perfect late afternoons with fluffy-puffy clouds, a crisp blue sky and a warm tone to the sunlight.

This line of box cars at the Base caught my attention. With the clouds in the background, this was an irresistable shot! This was on that roll of Fuji Velvia 100 slide film.

Viva la Film! (Or something like that)

At the corner of Bush and Kearny Streets around 4:50 p.m. yesterday, a man is dialing a number on his cell phone in his right hand. His left arm is outstretched, his index and middle finger are raised, like a victory or peace sign. I was about to crack a joke about him getting better cell reception with his arm raised like that, but then he began waving it frantically. I realized he was trying to hail a cab. After 4:00 p.m. On a Friday. In downtown San Francisco.

That was even funnier than holding his arm up to get better cell reception.

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You may have heard that there was an explosion in an underground transformer in San Francisco's Financial District yesterday. I rarely venture out during the day because I either don't eat lunch at all or I bring it from home (unless there's something out in the kitchen at the office) now that most of my Travel & Entertainment budget goes to AC Transit tickets. So I missed most of the excitement.

By 5:00, some streets had reopened, but traffic was still bad (well, Friday evening it's always bad). The situation was not helped by the platoon of TV vans and satellite trucks that continued to clog the streets and sidewalks, some seven hours after the explosion. Reporters prepped and primped before their next live report from the scene. But what scene? It had been SEVEN HOURS since there was a scene! This was no longer the scene of a breaking news story: It was a media vigil over a hole in the ground (that they couldn't even get to because the immediate area was still cordoned off).

I grew more irritated as I passed by more preening reporters and ducked out of more live shots. Then I saw him. He waited patiently near the KRON van for Vic Lee's next live feed, his sign ("Y-3" was all I could make out) resting on his shoulder. Almost always dressed in a suit and well-worn shoes, these events that attract flocks of news crews to downtown San Francisco are custom-made for him. It seems he's always on the spot ready to appear on camera, his sign usually appearing over some hapless reporter's head, like those really badly composed photos in the family album where Uncle Barney has a telephone pole growing out of his head. Frank Chu can work a camera. And he always makes me smile!

How to Fold Fitted Sheets.

AGONY: Trying to upload photos to Flickr on my dial-up connection. I really really wish I could afford high-speed, but it's just not in the budget.

ECSTACY: Making peace with slide film. I finally got to take a good look at the roll of Fuji Velvia 100 slides I shot back in May. (First I had to find my little slide viewer, then I had to find fresh batteries for the light thingie.) It is quite possibly the most consistent roll of film I've ever shot. Definitely my best roll of slides. Now if I can just scan them. Also, I just got back my roll of Agfa Scala (black-and-white slide film). O-M-G! This is my new favorite black-and-white film! I'll be curious to see how it scans (not sure my film scanner has a setting for b/w slides).

Between those and the roll of Tech-Pan I shot in the Holga (perfectly vignetted and, being Tech-Pan, not the least bit grainy), they made up for the E-Dupe roll, which was a total bust. (E-Dupe is slide film that you use to make duplicate slides...but since I didn't have any slides I wanted to dupe, I just shot the roll. Unfortunately, it has no ISO rating, so shooting it was rather like negotiating a mine field blindfolded. KA-BOOOOOMMMM!!!)

Digital photography is dandy, but I have yet to have an image download to my hard drive that excited me as much as reviewing these boxes of slide film and the contact sheet from the Tech-Pan.

AGONY: Not having the money to replace the hard drive in my iMac yet...so no Tiger. So I need to suck it up and load the drivers for my film scanner onto my iBook. And with school starting up this week (tomorrow, actually), money AND time will be in short supply.

"Release me or I shall shred your face off!"
Originally uploaded by Planet Vicster.

Who says cats aren't expressive? I think it's crystal clear that this face says, "Release me or I shall shred your face off. And I don't wanna see that $#@%&!G camera AGAIN!"

Of course, ten minutes later, she was chattering sweetly to me and giving me snoodgies and purring. Forgiving kitty? Or psycho-kitty with wild mood swings? Why should she have to decide? Heh.

I've taken advantage of an unplanned-for break in studies--and my "new" commute to San Francisco on the bus--to catch up on some reading. Among other books, I absorbed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in one day and finished Life of Pi earlier this week. Both of which were thoroughly enjoyable, even though I wasn't surprised by the plot twists in either story.

The other thing I've been doing is journaling more consistently. This time, though, I'm doing it more, I don't know, carefully, I guess. I'm dealing with a lot of issues right now and there really isn't anyone I can talk to about them (well, there is one person who has been there for me, but I'm scared to death of wearing her out). And I'm not gonna blog much about the issues anymore because, really, who gives a crap, right?

To restart my writing "career", I've treated myself to some Moleskines, and will invest in a nifty Fisher Space Pen pretty soon too, I hope. The great thing with the pocket Moleskine is that it's small enough to carry everywhere, so it's easy for me to grab it and make notes throughout the day. I've started to document my observations and thoughts in greater detail, and it helps me separate the raw data from the emotion so I can work with the cleanest information to make decisions.

(As an aside, I was at a local indie rock show Friday night, writing in my notebook, when I was interrupted by a couple of people asking me if I was writing a book. "I might be." I replied. "I have no idea where these notes will lead." )

I have been a writer ever since I could hold a crayon in my hand, though I'm terribly out of practice now. While I've been learning to communicate via my camera and my paint brush/palette knife and canvas, I'm also re-connecting the wires in my left brain. As I've wandered back into my notebooks, I was looking for books about writing and came across Anne Lamott's new one called Bird-By-Bird, which I am really enjoying and learning/re-learning so much from. Instead a stodgy list of do's and don'ts, she gives practical, accessible, everyday advice (much of which extends to life in general) and...

Wait a minute! Bird-By-Bird isn't her NEW book! And I know it isn't her new book, but my brain keeps insisting that it is. I guess my brain believes that if something is new to me, it must be new to the world. Oi. Must have shorted some wires while reconnecting my left brain...

Street Lights
Originally uploaded by Planet Vicster.

I've started to explore night time long exposure photography, with some well-timed (and much appreciated) encouragement from wirehead. This was shot at 5th Street in Oakland while I waited at a traffic light.

I kinda like these early efforts, but can see where much practice and experimentation is needed. Mostly, I'm glad I was able to turn to my creative side to salvage an otherwise disastrous evening.