I took a long walk along the shoreline today. It's significant because I haven't done so for a very, very long time.

There are lots of reasons why I've skipped my (almost) daily walks. A lot of it has to do with my being so completely exhausted when I get home that I just want to stay in with the furkids.

But another reason is...well one of the things I really like about these walks is something I couldn't face lately: Time alone for thinking. The four-mile walk to the end of Shoreline and back gives me a lot of time to think. And worry. And be angry and sad and try, try to find silver linings that lately have been totally invisible to me (though I look and look for them).

The last walk I took, sometime in mid-June, I tried not thinking. I tried to just stay in the moment and not run over past hurt or future worries. It didn't go so well: The more I tried to jerk myself back into the moment, the worse I felt. Needless to say, I haven't been really anxious to go back to that place.

But today, it was a nice day and I wanted to be at the water, but not sit passively and read. So I stopped for a chai tea and headed to the shoreline. Today, I was a lot more gentle with myself. Whenever I started feeling too sad about the past or worried about the future, rather than judge these things (or judge myself for dwelling), I'd find something happening right now to quietly concentrate on.

Lucky for me (heh) my right achillies tendon decided to start complaining about 2 miles into the walk. But it gave me something to focus on. I decided to walk on the beach coming back, and that helped me focus on how the sand made my heel stop hurting. And how the water was cool. And how there was just enough of a breeze that I could ignore the fact that the sun was probably roasting me (it was:I've another sunburn to show for it). I didn't bring the camera this time and I was glad because I just wanted to walk. But I thought maybe I should have had it for that last walk I took and it would have gone better.

The thing about photography is that it's all about capturing a moment. Photography--the act of taking a photo--that truly is living in the moment.