I'm in one. There are positives and I'm desperately clinging to them hoping I can use them as a sort of kick-board to get out of the deep end of this funk.

To start with, there are games going on...not the fun kind, either, but the kind where someone with authority is yanking me around. I have no patience for such games, either, so what tiny little speck of patience I had floating around my bloodstream has been bled out.

On the career (what career?) front, I'm feeling especially grim. I'm trying not to, I really am. But, jeeziz, after over two years of hearing that there are a million other people in my field who "better fit the needs" of every dang company I've applied to, it's hard to not feel like an incompetent, unemployable boob.

Artistically, I'm in a major dead zone. I have a roll of film I shot in the Holga a few weeks ago. I think they'll be cool photos, but I don't have the money to get the damn roll developed and printed to find out.

And let's just top it all off with my lower back going out. Again. I've been in so much pain the last several days that at any second I could either burst into tears or kill someone.

With all of this frustration and stress, the poor furkids got more than their share of being yelled at today. I'm very thankful that they're resilient...but I sure hate testing their resilience. I think an extra little bit of Petromalt is in order for their bedtime snack.

The positives I'm clinging to...well, actually at the moment I can only come up with the one. I sent in my bio for the National Dean's list. Can't afford to buy the book, but maybe my college library will have a copy and I can see my name in there. But, really school seems to be the only area of my life where my hard work pays off...everywhere else, my effort seems to just go for booger-all.

Gods, I really wish I could find the door so I can leave this pity party. I thought once I got past the stressful school term I'd feel better, but I actually feel worse. I keep searching inside myself for that thing...that key to unlock myself, but so far the search has been fruitless.